i thunk so

I’m guessing my multi-part series on the banality and and ineffectiveness of middle management will go on for awhile, so I’d like to keep from piling on all at once. I’ll attempt to keep my comments focused on a few key points in each of the posts of this series.

For now, back to the show…

Remember the movie Jerry Maguire? Remember when he wrote that memo called “The Things We Think and Do Not Say”? Well I want to write a memo to middle managers everywhere. I think I’m going to call it “The Things You Say that Nobody Really Believes”.

There’s a new project coming, and I think you’re really gonna like it!
Middle managers are usually dismally deficient when it comes to the ability to inspire. Chances are if this project is going to be managed in much the same way as the project I’m currently working on, my top priority is going to be contemplating new and exciting ways to kill myself.

We have great opportunities for advancement here
Oh really? Do you mean it? Someday I may actually get to be just like you?

This company has an open-door policy
Is that supposed to be a perk? Let’s be honest. Do any of you really feel comfortable with the idea of going over your manager’s head to gripe to his superior? When has that ever ended well for anyone?

I don’t want to sound cliché, but…
Then you should probably just stop talking right now.

Of course there are worse things about middle management than their pathetic attempts at inspiration, but the point still should be made that people — normal people who actually do the work — respond to leadership by example, not a social class of professional elites incapable of drawing their own conclusions or formulating ideas of their own.

Filed by JP at 9:20 am under Opinions, Business
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I’ve been a bit of an addict. I drink way too much Coke. I’m also one of the first people to judge others with compulsive tendencies — chain smokers, alcoholics, crackheads. I’ve pointed the finger and expressed disbelief at how someone could be such a slave to a paper tube with plants inside. Now I’m calling myself out.

I’ve gained weight steadily since graduating from college back in the 90’s. I’ve become lazy and complacent, often opting for fast food since it’s easy, accessible, and well…fast. I’ve been drinking Coke steadily since becoming dependent on it in college as a means to stay awake typing papers for money during the nights.

Today my eyes have been opened to the utter excesses of our society, and it is not a pretty picture. Regardless of the fact that it happened in Texas, it is a shameful and telling occasion when you can now find deep-fried Coke at the Texas State Fair.

I think this is symptomatic of just where we’re at in this country when you can take one of the most unhealthy beverages in the world and turn it into a deep-fried blob of fatty goo. One word: “GROSS.” If this is evolution, then I want out.

The sad part is that a family history of heart failure and high cholesterol, having a baby girl and a beautiful wife, and just wanting to live on this earth for awhile longer apparently weren’t enough motivation for me. That was then. This is the new me.

If you haven’t yet discovered it, check out Traineo — a free weight-loss tracking website with a community component that allows you to enlist friends to keep you accountable and motivated. I would encourage you to try it out.

It’s going to be a hard road to recovery — and that’s really what this is. I don’t mean recovery in the sense that I am copping out and calling my gluttony a disease. Rather, I am referring to the recovery of my health and youthful vigor. I’ve tried quitting Coke before and have dealt with the typical headache and withdrawal symptoms. I tell you now, though, that I will not be one of those people that I used to be so judgemental of. I won’t be the 300-pound, out-of-breath guy who calls in sick when he finds out the elevator is out of order. I won’t leave orphans and a widow because I was too lazy to care about my well-being.

I feel better already.

Filed by JP at 9:17 am under Personal Drama, Worthwhile Websites
1 Comment

Recently, at my job, I was asked to take a personality profile test. This test was given with the premise that “there are no wrong answers,” of course. Isn’t that typical of any test where the results are based on total quackery?

Filed by JP at 3:24 pm under Rants
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